Squeakers & Squiggles…


March 31: Looking everywhere for the spare car key, I found another squeaker in the silver bowl that sits on the secretary. That one was probably there to get her through the front door – usually to come in – because she always wanted to go out and go for a ride. My absent mindedness has become a blessing. Josie’s quest with a squeaky toy was to get to the squeaker and destroy it. In the meantime she destroyed the toy. She would lay for hours, licking ONE spot until she had licked away all the fibers, and she could get her teeth into the threads. Then she would pull out all the stuffing until she got to the squeaker. I took it away from her at that point. I was afraid of what she might swallow. The downside to that habit – unbeknownst to me was the fibers were horrible for her teeth – especially since I didn’t brush her teeth like I should. Last year I finally took her to the vet to have her teeth cleaned. They had to pull 5 of her teeth – 4 in the front, one in the back. I felt like a horrible mother. So learn from my mistakes. Doggie dentures? Brush their teeth!

So squeakers are my pennies from heaven. You know how they say when you find a penny its from someone in heaven who is thinking about you? Well, with Josie and me, it’s squeakers from heaven.  

April 1: Squiggles. When I walked out on the deck this morning, something caught my eye. Squiggles. Spring in the south brings that nasty yellow stuff – pollen. Pollen is actually a good thing – proof that life is renewed with new leaves budding on the trees. We have a lot of majestic oaks in our yard. Every spring, our yard and deck is covered in oak squiggles. Josie was a long haired dachshund, and obviously, had short legs. When Josie went out during the spring, she always brought back in with her 1000 squiggles. She was like a little dust mop. I would find squiggles all over the house. It might have been ok if squiggles were just squiggles – but each one little squiggle had 1000s of tiny “flowers” and those became entangled in her hair. It was a bitch getting them out, but I wouldn’t dream of her getting a haircut just to deal with this nasty nuisance for a few weeks every year. I miss my little mop. 

April 2: Tailfeathers.  Josie had this wonderful little tail. Her tail curled up, but she had long hair that looked like a feather. I think in the world of AKC, her tail would have been referred to as a flag. Her tail went 90 to nothing when she was happy to see you. Or when she was barking at the wind. Josie was a very vocal girl. If we were out on the deck, 9 times out of 10, she was barking at the wind. She really was talking to the birds, and the squirrels. Sometimes, the squirrels would come close on a branch and screech at her. Josie always won. Josie, shake your tailfeathers little girl.

April 3: Leaf blowers and vacuum cleaners. It was a beautiful day today. I couldn’t stand the layer of leaves any longer. So the leaf blower and I spent some quality time in the front yard today. Josie hated the leaf blower. She hated the vacuum cleaner too. She would have stood at the front window, and barked at me the whole time. With the vacuum cleaner, she would stand her ground, and “challenge” the vacuum cleaner – barking her head off.

April 4: One other note on squeaky toys – Could Josie make those toys squeak. I couldn’t squeak them fast with my hand if I tried, much less my jaws 😉 My bracelet arrived today. I had a small sterling cuff made. Two little paw prints, and Josie’s name on the outside – her birth date and death date on the inside. It’ really much too small for my wrist, but I love it. Thanks to the artist who made it, that is my new venture. That’s another story – part of my Etsy story I will share later when I can’t call people names. Thumper and my Mother always told me, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” I’m waiting for something nice to say to come to mind.

April 5: I can’t bring myself to put away Josie’s things. Her toothbrush in the cabinet. Her medication for flea/heartworm prevention. Her prescription for prednisone and sulyfate that is still full. She only had the chance to get one dose before she had to get her medication by injection. Her water bowl. Her food bowl – still with a few morsels she didn’t eat on Saturday the 12th. All of her food – I had just bought a new brand, and I had just opened it on teh 12th. Her bed in the middle of the floor. Her bed by my bed. All of her favorite toys were put up a while back – because of her teeth – and they needed to be washed. They are still hanging on the back of my door with my robe.

April 6: Back to the shoulda, woulda, coulda…. In hindsight, I am trying to remember signs of distress prior to shit hitting the fan. She threw up that day before Katherine’s spring break. One day headed out to work, I couldn’t find her. She was hiding under Katherine’s bed. Now that I think about it, she usually hid when she didn’t feel good or was embarrassed. She had had several accidents in the house. Did she have some sort of kidney trouble? Stop. I am just beating myself up, and it won’t change the outcome. That’s hard for me to understand sometimes.

April 7: Thought of the lacrosse ball in the shower this morning. It made me smile. I would hide lacrosse balls everywhere, and Josie would eventually find them. I usually hid one if she was relentless, and I had to do something other than play ball (ahh, to have those moments back). She would find the ball, no matter where it was hidden – even if one was in the second drawer from the top in my chest of drawers. She would just sit in front of the chest of drawers for a while, give up, and go back and sit. Until I would finally get the message. Either a toy was under the chest in the back corner and she couldn’t get to it, or it was hidden inside.   Smart dog.  I am to Sunday night, March 20, writing the blog. I can’t bring myself to go any further. It’s supposed to help me heal. I read through my journal, and it is still very raw and painful. I had a good cry. I miss her so much.

Squeakers, Squiggles, Tailfeathers, Her Bark and Lacrosse balls – memories that make me smile.

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2 Responses to Squeakers & Squiggles…

  1. Gay Hasty says:

    Words fail me….just beautifully written…expressed exactly what I have felt on the loss of our Cisco. I see it has been almost a year for you….hope the pain has started eased, but now that the squiggles have returned you may be reliving the loss. But in any case know that your words have been a wonderful help to me in my grieving for a wonderful companion. I now have a Cavalier that like your Josie is a dust mop for squiggles.

    • thank you Gay! I am reliving it – the emptiness last week on her death date was evident, but Pippa now keeps me going. She isn’t quite the dust mop yet like Josie though! That’s why I started this blog – to help me work through the grief, and I am touched that I have helped you. Only animal lovers can truly understand what we go through. I am so sorry for your loss of Cisco, and hope your Cavalier is just the “band aid” you needed to heal your heart. Wishing you all the best –

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