love her heart

Sunday, March 27, 2011 . God love the hearts of the animals around me. Chaco (the new puppy) is trying sooo hard. Bless his heart, I think he feels my pain, and wants to stay close. He is practically lying on top of me, and it’s hard to type, but oh well. Skeeter is practically under my other arm, and Juno is lying on the sofa arm beside my head. I think they feel the emptiness, and it’s like “sigh. what now?”

Probably too much information, but I felt like I just needed a bubble bath. As I ran my bath water, I was reminded of Josie, and how she disliked baths so. Once she was in the bath, she was ok, but when she heard that water running, she would run and hide under Katherine’s bed. It’s not like it was the first time she ever had a bath – she had many, but she was still scared. And there were the times I was in the shower, and she was ready to play! She would nudge the shower curtain open with her nose, and drop her lacrosse ball in (that was also a good opportunity for me to wash the ball!) and then she would sit patiently waiting for me to drop the ball over the top of the shower curtain. She loved that ball. Like the squeaker, all I had to do was drop the ball once, and she would come running from wherever she was to play! Love her heart.

Monday, March 28. It was hard getting out of bed this morning. It’s been one week since Josie left this earth. I said a prayer, and cried at 7:50. I miss her. Terribly. When I came home tonight, there was a big package in the mailbox. It was the “portrait” of Josie that I had ordered on Etsy. I couldn’t wait to open it, and I wasn’t disappointed. With one small exception, it is the spitting image of Josie. I bought a beautiful antique frame to put it in (after I refinish it) and now I have to figure out where I am going to hang it in the house.

Tuesday, March 29.  It hit me harder this morning that Josie was gone. I stood in the shower and cried. I wish I had held her tighter. I wish I had taken her for a long ride on Sunday so she could stick her head out the window more; I wish I had never even put her back in her bed Monday morning. I wish I had stayed with her every single minute instead of just the last minute. David was with her, but did he leave her alone for a brief moment?  I hope she didn’t think we had abandoned her at any time. On the other hand, I am glad I sacrificed my comfort to sleep on the floor with her. I am glad I got to hold her. I am glad I took her outside (carried her) for a walk around the front yard, listening to the birds – and on the deck too. I am glad I had a talk with her – that it was ok to go, and that I loved her with all my heart. I never thought about reuniting with my pets in heaven. I hope that pretty little black and tan is waiting for me at God’s feet – doing her happy dance, and welcoming me to my eternal home. I raided the old computer for Josie pictures. I found a lot. Especially when she was little. My most wonderful discovery – two videos of Josie. One has a little bit of her bark. It is now a priceless treasure.

I tried to insert the video here, but WordPress wouldn’t let me. They are on my Facebook page if you want to watch.

Josie & Jolly watching a squirrel

 11:56pm – I miss Josie patiently waiting by the back door to go out. If I was working/watching TV, and if she needed to go out, she would walk into the foyer, and stand there, looking at me like – “Helllooooo, I need to go outside please.”

March 30, 2011 – Weird I know, but the shower is just a convenient place to cry and wash away my tears. It happened again today. This morning I found a deflated children’s play ball in my closet. She loved that ball. I think she busted it, and why I kept it I don’t know. She loved ALL balls – lacrosse balls, footballs, baseballs, basketballs, stress balls, and I have one of those big exercise balls. I should’ve made a video of her trying to conquer that one. She would stand on her hind legs and push that ball around – trying her best to get a hold of it. It was bigger than she was, but that didn’t stop her.

After work, I went to the grocery store. In Rome, you don’t go to the Kroger on Wednesday unless it is absolutely necessary – Wednesday is Senior Citizens Day. I didn’t think a trip to Kroger would be bad. Then it happened. I came to the pet food aisle. I stopped cold in my tracks, and the tears started to fall. I had to hurry over to the paper towel aisle in hopes no one would see me. Have you ever seen an almost 50 year old woman crying in the grocery store (well, unless she is in the meat department standing over the beef tenderloin and looking at the price) I regained my composure, and went back to shopping. Then I saw my friend Barbara Earle. I had to cancel a lunch date with Barbara the day Josie died. She was at the other end of the aisle, smiled, said hey, and went on about her business. I ran into her on the ice cream aisle. Before she could get out the words – how are you doing? – I burst into tears again. Barbara understands. She’s an animal lover too. And I thought that was the hardest part of my evening. Until I came home. Josie loved it when I came home from the grocery store (or any store for that matter that puts your purchases in plastic bags) She loved shopping almost as much as I do.  She would rummage through each and every bag to see what she could find – always looking for a present. And if by chance I HAD bought her a new toy – she would find it among everything else and run and jump on the sofa, happy as a clam. I cried again. I had a lot of bags. She would’ve loved going through every one of them. 

In the quest to locate a pen in the kitchen junk drawer, I came across a squeaker. I know I’ve said how much Josie loved squeaky toys. I think it was a sign from above that she was thinking about me. Squeaky toy stories I’ll save for tomorrow.

God love her heart. God, love her heart.

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